Mr. Lamb

(clapper clapping) (beeping) (upbeat indie music) - [Hank] So what do you think, huh?

- What?

- It would just mean the world to me if you'd go.

They got these great little Swedish meatballs, they call 'em oomptum lali.

Anyway, the first time I went in there I just thought, "Myrna would love this place."

- I don't know, Hank.

You're a really sweet guy, but I-- - You know that mystery rash I keep getting, just like everywhere?

Well apparently it is from that Bavarian varnish that that bonehead sold me, so I guess there's an answer for everything, right?

- You know what, I have an idea.

How about we get a new can opener?

One that works.

(clanking) - So how are you, Hank?

- Good, good.

I've been branching out.

Got some clown gigs.

Couple balloon jobs, so... - You got a nice girlie?

- Oh, never enough time for that.

Just-- - Listen, I'll tell you this.

I'll you this, Hank.

Don't you ever look at Myrna.

Never, ever because I have never once seen her go for a gentleman caller.

Right?

Never once, not even a guy with a nice, friendly disposition like yourself.

- I have someone, thank you very much.

- Who?

- He's famous.

- What?

(sighs) - Why haven't you been writing me back?

(knocking) Pine cones.

- Firewood.

Firewood for sale.

- What're you doing out so late?

Where are your parents?

Yeah, okay.

Here you go.

(wood clattering) Hey, this stuff isn't cured, it's green as a gourd, that'll never burn!

(scary music) - Holy mackerel!

Holy mackerel, get a load of this!

Charles Lamb escaped!

He's on the run!

Apparently he was in transport on his way to Sing Sing!

- Yeah, live in the now Hank, that newspaper is four days old.

- Charlie!

- [Waiter] It says that he was a real ladies man.

He seduced his victims first.

- He was innocent.

- Innocent?

Oh, Myrna, did you read what he did to those women?

It is enough to make your teeth chatter.

He pounded their faces like chicken piallard.

Like, chicken piallard.

- (speaking Bavarian) Throw us our food here, we've been waiting here forever time for it here!

(speaking Bavarian) - Who do I have to fuck to get out of this job, huh?

- [Bavarian Customer] Hello?

Dusseldorf paging your scheisseface.

Give us some food now!

(wind blowing) - Hi.

Hey you.

I'm the first woman you've seen in years?

It must've been so lonely for you.

Oh baby, you're so tight.

You see?

You can't force it.

You have to ease it in.

Inch by inch.

Like a gentleman.

(knocking) (scary music) - Hi, Myrna.

- Hank.

- Was just on patrol around the neighborhood, just patrolling and so I thought I'd stop in and see how you were doing.

Because I was in the neighborhood.

- Okay, well everything is fine.

- So it was you?

- What was me?

- You're the local who's been pen pals with... Charles Lamb?

I didn't believe the guys at the station when they told me your name.

That him?

That supposed to be him?

That's supposed to be him.

- Can you go, because I'm in the middle of something.

- You know, the officials at the prison gave us copies of all the letters.

- Okay, those were private.

- Actually, technically, legally, they're not private.

But I can-- - He needs me.

He needs somebody to take care of him.

- Just wanted to keep you safe.

I'll keep you safe.

(thundering) (scary music) - [Sheep] Shh, it's her!

- Mr. Lamb used to take me for walks in the park.

- Mr. Lamb used to buy me flowers.

- Mr. Lamb said I'm his favorite!

- [Other Sheep] Myrna's his favorite!

- [Together] Mr. Lamb, Mr. Lamb, Mr. Lamb!

(scary music) - I brought you a can opener.

Wonder if it works.

(clapping) - Thank you.

(snoring) (footsteps) (wind blowing) (scary music) - What'd your mom pay for this guy?

- [Birthday Boy] Don't ask me!

- [Little Girl] Freak!

- You gotta make a joke for nothing!

(triumphant music) - I knew you'd come!

As soon as I heard.

- Somebody's got a lot of canned soup.

- Okay, so we've got tomato.

And cream of celery.

Oh, chicken and steamed rice.

Vegetable.

You actually came.

- I've never met anyone like you, Myrna.

- I'm so glad you're finally here!

- Now is this supposed to be me?

- Oh!

That's just temporary.

- Do you mind, I feel like his eyes are following me.

- Can I get you something to drink?

I think I have some rose in the frid-- - No.

Rose makes me aggressive.

- Uh, gin!

- Gin'd be nice.

- Okay.

- What happened, I don't understand.

I got you guys a clown.

What went wrong?

- [Birthday Boy] Are you kidding me?

(lamb bleating) - [Kid] He's terrible!

Come on, really?

- [Dad] You think terrible, really?

(laughs) - Did you get all of my letters?

- Think so, got the ones I got.

- You know, when I first saw you on TV, I thought, "What a man!

I would like to put some extra raisins in his fruitcake."

Do you know what I mean?

- Are you a funny girl, Myrna?

Put it down.

- Okay!

You have always done just what you wanted.

And...

I have always...

I've always been a good little squirrel who just...

Stuck to her nuts.

- I never saw the pleasure in that.

- I'm so glad you're here.

I have been really, really... Really, really, really, really, really, really lonely.

I think that you could stay for as long as you want.

- They say I only take pleasure in meanness.

That's why they locked me up.

- That's not true.

(thudding) - [Sheep Together] Mr. Lamb, Mr. Lamb, Mr. Lamb!

(scary music) (match striking) - Hi.

- Please.

Please.

(match striking) - Fuck!

- [Hank] Freeze!

- What?

- Hank!

- No!

(gunshot) (screaming) (gunshot) - Yeah, Swedish meatballs sounds great.

(happy indie music)